FAMILY RELATIONSHIP IN ISLAM

I realized that the family values have deteriorated in all cultures in the world today (including in the Muslim society). Why? Where did we go wrong here? If the trend is not stopped, what will happen to the future generations, and I shudder just to think of it….

Islam considers the family the corner stone of Islamic society. It bases the atmosphere in the family on sacrifice, love, loyalty, and obedience. When we say "family" we mean the traditional definition of it namely husband, wife and children. Grandparents are also part of the extended Muslim family.

It may be asked here: how does Islam organize family relationships? To answer this we have to concentrate on: husband- wife relationship and parent-children relationship. As for husband- wife relationship the following verse portrays the right Islamic atmosphere:

"And among his signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy." (Quran, 30:21)

The Prophet saw also stressed these meanings when he said: The best among you are those who are best to their families and I am the best of you to my family. He once exclaimed: (it is only the evil one who abuses them (women) and the honoured one is he who honours them). Once a man came to the Prophet saw and asked: who is the person who is most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet saw answered your mother, your mother, your mother then your father. That is why Islam made Paradise under the feet of mothers according to one tradition of the Prophet saw.

If we contemplate the Quran we find that it refers to parent-children relationships in four main places. Before it asks children to be good and loyal to their parents it requires parents to be extremely careful in upbringing their children. In other words it asks parents to do their duty before asking for their rights.

Let us contemplate the following verses of the Quran: In the chapter called Luqman (No.31) Allay swt says:

"And surely We gave Luqman wisdom saying Give thanks unto Allah; for whosoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for his soul. And whoever disbelieves, Allah is All-Independent, Worthy of Praise. And when Luqman said to his son while he was exhorting him: O my dear son! Ascribe no partners unto Allah. Lo! To ascribe partners (unto Him) is a tremendous wrong. And we have enjoined upon man to be careful of his parents, His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years, so give thanks to Me and to your parents, for unto Me is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you ascribe to Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but deal with them nicely in the world and follow the path of him who repents to Me. Then unto Me will be your return, and I shall tell you of what you used to do."

The Quran then continues:

"O my son! Lo! Though it be but the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. For Allah is Subtle, Aware. O my son! Establish prayer, enjoin goodness, forbid iniquity and bear with patience whatever may befall you. For that is the steadfast heart of things. Turn not your cheek in scorn towards people, nor walk the earth with pretenses, for Allah loves not each braggart boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue your voice for Lo! The harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass" (31: 12-19).

These verses provide Muslim parents with the way they should bring up their children, unless they do so, they can expect rebellion and hatred from them; but the devoted parents have full right to what the following verses from chapter 17 enjoin. In this chapter called the Night Journey Allah swt says:

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship non but Him, and that (you show) kindness to parents. Should one or both of them attain to old age with you, Say not "Fie'' unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little. Your Lord is best aware of what is in yourselves. If you are righteous, then Lo! He was ever forgiving unto those who turn unto Him" (17: 23-25).

These are the two main chapters of the Quran that decide and clearly depict the Islamic relationship between parents and their children. It is a relationship based as we see on belief in Allah swt, and feeling that He observes all what we do and that we are accountable to Him even in the bad breath that we may release against our parents when we are angry. Even this has to be controlled.

Let us remember, however, that it is only parents who do their duty, who deserve this honourable treatment of their children. That is why when a parent came to the Prophet saw and complained to him about the ingratitude of his son, the son said: He was ungrateful to me O Messenger of Allah, before I showed ingratitude to him. So the Prophet saw did not blame the son but disliked the attitude of his parent. This is a message to all parents.

The third place in the Holy Quran that refers to parent-children relationship is in chapter 46 called Al Ahqaf where Allah swt says:

"And we have enjoined unto man kindness toward parents. His mother bears him with reluctance and delivers him with reluctance. His bearing and weaning are thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Arouse me that I may give thanks for the favour where with you have favoured me and my parents, and I may do right acceptable unto you. And be gracious unto me concerning my seed. I have turned unto you repentant and Lo! I am one of Muslims."

Concerning this type of children the Quran has the following comment: those are they from whom We accept the best of what they do, and We overlook their evil deeds among the owners of Paradise. This is the true promise, which they used to be promised (in the world).

The Quran then turns to the other category of children who are disbelievers and are as a result ungrateful to their parents. It declares:

"As for him who said to his parents: Fie upon you both! Do you threaten me that I shall be brought forth when generations before me have passed away! While they too cry unto Allah for help and say: Woe unto you! Believe! Lo! The promise of Allah is true. But he said: This is nothing but fables of the men of old."

Commenting on this attitude Allah swt says:

"Such are those whom the Word concerning nations of Jinn and mankind which have passed away before has effect. Lo! They are the losers. And for each there will be degrees due to what they did; and He may recompense them in full for their deeds! And they will not be wronged." (46: 15-19).

The fourth and last place in the Quran that refers to parent-children relationship is what is mentioned briefly in chapter 29 that says:

"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents. And should they strive to make you join with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do". (29:8).

This verse refers mainly to the unbelieving parents who still have the rights of obedience on their Muslim children unless they ask them to rebel against Allah swt. In this case they should not be obeyed, but doing good to them should continue regardless of the difference of religion.

In conclusion since the family is the corner stone of society, happiness and prosperity will only be achieved if parents as well as children are committed to the guidance of the Quran, the only guidance proved to be successful.

FRIENDSHIP IN ISLAM

Humans are social creatures by nature; they are always in need of friends and companions. Most of our lives depend on interaction with others. Strong individuals are the core of a strong community, something that Muslims should always strive for.

We all know that Allah swt has brought us to life in order to test us. Thus we are here for a relatively short period of time and that we shall meet Allah swt one day, so we need to use our present life for what is best for us in the hereafter. Once we know our purpose and our goal in life, we should seek ways to achieve them so as to benefit our own selves.

In an authentic Hadith, Prophet Muhammad saw said: "Man is influenced by the faith of his friends. Therefore, be careful of whom you associate with."

Prophet Mohammad saw who has the most noble character and dealings with fellow humans gave us a very clear and simple message and advice in regard to friendship.

How should we choose our friends? We should choose the friend that believes and abide by our religion (Islam) and gives great respect to what Allah swt and Prophet Mohammad saw has ordered us. And we should stay away from that who is not well mannered and gives no attention to what Islam is about or what pleases or displeases Allah swt, for he will surely affect us negatively. There is no good in the companion drowns us in sins and displeasing Allah swt.

In another Hadith, Prophet Mohammad saw said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him."

When choosing our friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they going to help us achieve the purpose for which we were brought to life? Or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us Allah swt's pleasure or is that completely irrelevant to them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to Paradise or to the Hell?

Prophet Mohammad saw stated, "The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness)." Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. He forgives your mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses.

Once the Prophet Mohammad saw wasasked, "What person can be the best friend?" "He who helps you remember Allah swt, and reminds you when you forget Him," the Prophet Mohammad saw, counseled.

Prophet Mohammad saw was further asked, "Who is the best among people?" Prophet Mohammad saw replied, "He who, when you look at him, you remember Allah swt". Such a friend reflects qualities of love, mercy, honesty, service, patience, optimism, professionalism, and the entire lifestyle taught by Islam.

How to be a friend for the sake of Allah swt

"Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken such-and-such as a friend!" (Quran, 25:28)

The one who is always there to console you when you want to talk about a problem, the one who sticks by you through thick and thin, the one whom you can count on to be there for you - this is the person who leaves no doubts in your mind that he or she is your "best friend". You like each other's company and love to spend time together. If something important happens in your life, they're the first to know. You trust them and depend upon them in times of need. They may be a classmate, a colleague, a neighbour, a sister, a mother; or even your spouse! It could be anyone who fits this description.

But are they really your "true" friend? How can you find out? Ask yourself: are they taking you towards the most certain and perpetual success and benefit: that of the Hereafter, or are they going to be the cause of regret for you on the Day of Judgment?

Allah swt says, "Friends on that day will be foes to one and another - except the Righteous Ones." (Quran, 43:67)

How can you tell whether your friend is really and truly your sincere "friend"? Here is another checklist of characteristics that depict a friendship that will lead to success in the Hereafter.

When together, you both:

1. Remind each other of Allah swt when you set eyes on each other.
2. Leave each other's company with a higher level of imaan [faith in Allah swt].
3. Inevitably start the conversation with the Islamic greeting 'As-Salaamu Alaykum', and receive the masnoon reply for it.
4. Do the masnoon mu'aanaqah (hug) and musafahah (handshake) on a regular basis.
5. Almost always mention Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in some context or the other, in your conversations.
6. Strengthen each other's belief on the Hereafter. Give each other more duaa's (well wishes) than material gifts.
7. Always end up exchanging useful and mature ideas and thoughts. Love each other above and beyond worldly benefits.
8. Attend religious study-circles/ halaqah's together. Have prayed salaah together many times.
9. Have watched each other cry, out of fear of Allah swt or out of regret for committing a transgression.
10. Listen attentively if the other is saying something that pleases Allah swt
11. Politely point out and reform each other's mistakes or bad habits in the best way possible.
12. Return an Amanah (item placed in other's trust/safekeeping) belonging to the other in its original state.
13. Smile together, but with decent, non-malicious humour. Enquire regularly about the health of the other's family.
14. Become uninterested and change the subject if the other starts to say something that is impermissible.
15. Always discourage the other if they plan to do something wrong.
16. Always encourage the other if they intend to do a good deed that they're hesitant to do.
17. Consult each other in important matters. Give each other advice seriously and sincerely.
18. Never waste each other's time in useless activities. Never invite the other to a place or gathering of sin.
19. Have full trust that they will never reveal secrets or personal problems to others, nor will they gossip about you behind your back.
20. Address each other in a respectful and loving manner. Forgive each other's faults and shortcomings, and hide them from others.

Those whose friendships possess most of the above characteristics are among the fortunate people who can experience a glimpse of the assembly of Paradise in the life of this world itself, where they have such sincere and true friends - friends who love them for the sake of Allah swt. It is they who shall be saved from all kinds of discomfort and pain on the Day of Judgment when their Lord will provide them with a special place, as per His promise.

FRIENDSHIP TO ME.....

I have a lot of friends…but I was thinking the other day..on who are my “true” friends…All of us know that they are so many classifications of friends…the most rarest of all, is a “true” friend – a person who will always be with you no matter what….

And I remember two stories that are still etched in my mind…. on friendship…

Story 1

Two friends were travelling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path. One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches. The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could. The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body. When the Bear was quite gone, the other friend descended from the tree, and jokingly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear. "He gave me this advice," his companion replied. "Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger."

Story 2

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.