COPING WITH DEATH OF LOVED ONES

My father just lost his best friend two days ago….. at the age of 70, my father told me that his friend was the only living soul that he could talk and share all his feelings to…they were close since 30 years ago…and he took the loss quite badly….

Since we are all humans and the fact of life remains….all living things must die one day…only that we do not know…when and how…

If one suffers death of someone whom he dearly loved, then he should remember that our children, spouses, parents, friends, and other family members are but trusts from Allah swt. A wife is a trust to her husband while her husband is a trust to her. A child is a trust to his/her parents while the parents are a trust to the child. As these trusts provide us with comfort and support, Allah swt tests us to see how we deal with them and how we take care of these trusts. He reserves the right to take back these trusts, and He does so when the term He sets for a trust expires. The Prophet saw consoled his daughter when her baby was sick as saying:

Whatever Allah takes away or gives, belongs to Him, and everything has a fixed term (in this world). (Bukhari and Muslim)

Therefore, one should not show despair or displeasure at Allah swt but remain calm and patient even at the death of his or her dearest one.

Imam Muslim narrates a hadith about a female Companion of the Prophet saw that is a paramount example of patience and faith. To reproduce the hadith briefly, her name was Umm Sulaim. One of her sons was very sick while her husband, Abu Talha, was away in business. The son eventually died, and she told her family members not to tell this to her husband when he returns until she breaks this to him herself. When Abu Talha returned, she presented the supper before him and he ate. She then beautified herself in the best way like she never did before.

After they had spend the night together and Abu Talha was satisfied, she told him, “O Abu Talha! If some people borrow something from another family who then ask for that to be returned, should they refuse to give it back?”

He replied, “No”.

“Then”, she said, “hope reward for your son”.

Abu Talha immediately understood that their son was dead.

After burying his son in the morning, he went tothe Prophet saw and told him the matter. The Prophet saw said, “May Allah bless the night you spent together.” It turned out that she conceived that night. When the child was born, the Prophet saw blessed him and named him “Abdullah”. Bukhari’s version of the hadith says that Abdullah had nine sons, each of whom memorized the entire Quran.

When a mother suffers the death of her child, there is no one in this world who can come close to feeling her grief and sorrow. And yet, this otherwise unknown Companion of the Prophet saw remained patient with Allah swt asshe correctly understood the philosophy of life and death.

The reward for such patience with Allah swt at the death of a beloved one is Paradise. Allah swt says in a hadith qudsi:

I have no reward other than paradise for a believing slave of mine who remains patient for My sake when I take away his beloved one from among the inhabitants of the world.(Bukhari)