HANDLING GRIEF AND SORROW.....

Muslims are advised to comfort the bereaved person by visiting them, strengthening their faith, offering them food, and reciting the Quran. Although grieving may never fully end, the period of outward mourning lasts no more than three days.

Muslims believe that all suffering, life, death, joy and happiness are derived from Allah swt and that Allah swt is the one who gives us strength to survive. These beliefs are usually sources of comfort and strength that aid the healing process. For example, in accepting grief and loss, the relatives of the deceased person are urged to be patient (sabr) and accept Allah s decree. 'Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, same loss in goods, lives and the fruits of your toil, but give glad tiding to those who patiently persevere. Who say, when afflicted with calamity: To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return' (Quran: 62). People who have patience in accepting Allah's decree will be given a reward from Him.

'I have no reward other than paradise for my believing servant who is patient when I take away one of his beloved from among his companions of the world', or 'Whatever trouble, illness, anxiety, grief, pain and sorrow afflicts a Muslim, even if it is the pricking of a thorn - Allah removes same of his sins because of it' (Quran: 63 and 58).

This doesn't mean that Muslims should not grieve when they lose someone close to them. Bereavement is an upsetting and traumatic experience and it might comfort the mourner to know that such reactions and feelings are almost universal responses to loss, and that they are not sinful. Shock, disbelief, denial anger, guilt, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are common human reactions to the loss of a loved one. Muslims are allowed to express these feelings, it will be damaging for them to suppress them since the loss has to be acknowledged, the different emotions of grief have to be freed, new skills may need to be developed, and emotional energy channelled into new life.

It is permissible to cry and express grief over the death of a loved one, however, extreme lamentation is discouraged. In Islam it is permitted to weep softly, before someone had died, at the time of death, and after. A number of respected Hadiths describe that on several occasions the Prophet Muhammad saw cried when one of his loved ones died. For example, when the Prophet saw re-visited the grave of his mother he cried, and encouraged others to weep - this was many years after her death (the Prophet's mother died when he was at the age of six). Likewise, after the Uhud battle, when burying one of his companions, 'Uthman ibn Madh'um', the prophet Muhammad saw also shed tears. Again, when giving the news of the death of Ja'far and his companions in the battle against the Romans, he spoke with tears streaming down his face.

Although, wailing, eulogizing and tearing one's clothes are still common among some Muslims, such conduct is discouraged in Islam. A few words are allowed to be said when crying over a deceased person, but words should be true and not accompanied by wailing and expressions of dissatisfaction with the decree of God.

For instance, when the Prophet’s son, Ibrahim, died, the prophet said' We are very sad for your death, O Ibrahim', This is not an indication of discontent with the decree of God or complaining against Him

Individuals are encouraged to talk about and remember their loved one and recall the good deeds of their life. Prophet Muhammad saw himself never forgot his love for his beloved wife, Khadijah, even years after her death.

Muslims also believe that Allah swt appoints a time for each person to pass from this existence into the next and that death is inevitable and will take place when the time is right and there is after death life. The tragedy of a person's death is not the end of the story, hence to the majority of Muslims, it is illogical to grieve the loss of some who have simply left this world and gone to other life. Although it is an unquestionable and held belief that the next life will come, it is still unhealthy to skip over the tragedy and feeling of loss too rapidly.

Muslims are advised to turn to Allah swt in their time of distress and grief. The use of religious parables, the life story of the prophet Muhammad saw and the multiple losses of his loved ones, are all beneficial when dealing with grief, as are Hadith and 'surah' from the Quran such as:

'He guides to Himself those who turn to Him in penitence, those who believe and whose heart has rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest. ' (Qur'an 13:27-28)