Humans are social creatures by nature; they are always in need of friends and companions. Most of our lives depend on interaction with others. Strong individuals are the core of a strong community, something that Muslims should always strive for.
We all know that Allah swt has brought us to life in order to test us. Thus we are here for a relatively short period of time and that we shall meet Allah swt one day, so we need to use our present life for what is best for us in the hereafter. Once we know our purpose and our goal in life, we should seek ways to achieve them so as to benefit our own selves.
In an authentic Hadith, Prophet Muhammad saw said: "Man is influenced by the faith of his friends. Therefore, be careful of whom you associate with."
Prophet Mohammad saw who has the most noble character and dealings with fellow humans gave us a very clear and simple message and advice in regard to friendship.
How should we choose our friends? We should choose the friend that believes and abide by our religion (Islam) and gives great respect to what Allah swt and Prophet Mohammad saw has ordered us. And we should stay away from that who is not well mannered and gives no attention to what Islam is about or what pleases or displeases Allah swt, for he will surely affect us negatively. There is no good in the companion drowns us in sins and displeasing Allah swt.
In another Hadith, Prophet Mohammad saw said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him."
When choosing our friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they going to help us achieve the purpose for which we were brought to life? Or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us Allah swt's pleasure or is that completely irrelevant to them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to Paradise or to the Hell?
Prophet Mohammad saw stated, "The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness)." Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. He forgives your mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses.
Once the Prophet Mohammad saw wasasked, "What person can be the best friend?" "He who helps you remember Allah swt, and reminds you when you forget Him," the Prophet Mohammad saw, counseled.
Prophet Mohammad saw was further asked, "Who is the best among people?" Prophet Mohammad saw replied, "He who, when you look at him, you remember Allah swt". Such a friend reflects qualities of love, mercy, honesty, service, patience, optimism, professionalism, and the entire lifestyle taught by Islam.
How to be a friend for the sake of Allah swt
"Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken such-and-such as a friend!" (Quran, 25:28)
The one who is always there to console you when you want to talk about a problem, the one who sticks by you through thick and thin, the one whom you can count on to be there for you - this is the person who leaves no doubts in your mind that he or she is your "best friend". You like each other's company and love to spend time together. If something important happens in your life, they're the first to know. You trust them and depend upon them in times of need. They may be a classmate, a colleague, a neighbour, a sister, a mother; or even your spouse! It could be anyone who fits this description.
But are they really your "true" friend? How can you find out? Ask yourself: are they taking you towards the most certain and perpetual success and benefit: that of the Hereafter, or are they going to be the cause of regret for you on the Day of Judgment?
Allah swt says, "Friends on that day will be foes to one and another - except the Righteous Ones." (Quran, 43:67)
How can you tell whether your friend is really and truly your sincere "friend"? Here is another checklist of characteristics that depict a friendship that will lead to success in the Hereafter.
When together, you both:
- Remind each other of Allah swt when you set eyes on each other.
- Leave each other's company with a higher level of imaan [faith in Allah swt].
- Inevitably start the conversation with the Islamic greeting 'As-Salaamu Alaykum', and receive the masnoon reply for it.
- Do the masnoon mu'aanaqah (hug) and musafahah (handshake) on a regular basis.
- Almost always mention Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in some context or the other, in your conversations.
- Strengthen each other's belief on the Hereafter. Give each other more duaa's (well wishes) than material gifts.
- Always end up exchanging useful and mature ideas and thoughts. Love each other above and beyond worldly benefits.
- Attend religious study-circles/ halaqah's together. Have prayed salaah together many times.
- Have watched each other cry, out of fear of Allah swt or out of regret for committing a transgression.
- Listen attentively if the other is saying something that pleases Allah swt
- Politely point out and reform each other's mistakes or bad habits in the best way possible.
- Return an Amanah (item placed in other's trust/safekeeping) belonging to the other in its original state.
- Smile together, but with decent, non-malicious humour. Enquire regularly about the health of the other's family.
- Become uninterested and change the subject if the other starts to say something that is impermissible.
- Always discourage the other if they plan to do something wrong.
- Always encourage the other if they intend to do a good deed that they're hesitant to do.
- Consult each other in important matters. Give each other advice seriously and sincerely.
- Never waste each other's time in useless activities. Never invite the other to a place or gathering of sin.
- Have full trust that they will never reveal secrets or personal problems to others, nor will they gossip about you behind your back.
- Address each other in a respectful and loving manner. Forgive each other's faults and shortcomings, and hide them from others.
Those whose friendships possess most of the above characteristics are among the fortunate people who can experience a glimpse of the assembly of Paradise in the life of this world itself, where they have such sincere and true friends - friends who love them for the sake of Allah swt. It is they who shall be saved from all kinds of discomfort and pain on the Day of Judgment when their Lord will provide them with a special place, as per His promise.
